Okay… so perhaps deciding to attend last week’s African Street Festival combined with my deathly fear of being around groups of six Black people or more wasn’t such a great idea after all. For all sense and purpose, going into it I was somewhat optimistic that I could muddle through. However I later discovered that walking around an extremely crowded street fair with one hand gripped around my pepper spray and the other to my rape whistle, wasn’t quite as enjoyable as one might imagine. As a Black man I really do hate that I fear my people so. But to quote Mrs. Vanderbilt, the old racist white lady who lived directly across from my grandmother’s church who would yell at my cousins and I when we picked apples from her tree; unfortunately…”I don’t trust niggas as far as I can see them.”
Just for the record, I would like to give a personal Brett and the City shout out to all of you women still rocking those big hot ass wigs in over a hundred degree temperatures. Unless those things come with a built in cooling system, or little battery operated fan packs hidden inside I’ll just never understand how you do it. It was so hot out there that day that I saw one lady basically pass out from heat exhaustion. And then when the emergency unit came over to revive her, believe it or not she still refused to take off her wig. She literally told them to cut off her blouse instead. Okay… so now you’re sitting on a curb at a crowded street fair, with nothing but your bra on and a big ass I.V sticking out your arm, surrounded by a team of paramedics, not to mention your two sisters fanning you with flyers while your baby holds your purse; and yet you STILL refuse to take off your wig. Talk about committing to a look. Honestly, I’ve seen people let go of their religion and loved ones in far lesser times of peril.
What’s ironic is that for a supposed celebration of all things African, there wasn’t a single Afro in the entire place. There were so many weaves walking around that for a second I actually thought I was at The Lace Front Awards. There were literally weaves as far as the eye could see. I saw blonde ones, plaid ones, and pink ones. I even saw a set of little four year old twins sporting what looked to be two custom made fire engine red Rhianna ones. To which I overheard several other woman comment, “Ooh those are too cute! I should get one of them for Jatasia. I wonder if it comes in blue.”
I thought to myself, “Wow… Back to School Lace Fronts. Boy have parent’s priorities changed since I was a kid.” Hell, I was lucky if I got my own pair of Bugle Boys that I didn’t have to share with my two brothers. I still remember the day my mother looked at me sideways for merely asking, “Mama… just this once can I PLEASE get a new pair of sneakers that don’t come from Kroger?” Her exact response was, “Nigga please, who the hell you think you are… a Kennedy? You better throw them shoes over in this grocery basket. And then carry yo’ little ass over to aisle nine and grab me the big bottle of vinegar.” And we all knew what mama used the “Big Bottle of Vinegar” for back in the day. And let’s just say it had absolutely nothing to do with collard greens.
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Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s all I have to say. Oh yeah, and also Lmao!!!
OMG you have just ruined my mascara reading this. I work on the set of Glee and we all read your site to kill time between takes. And trust me when I say we have a lot of down time.
Keep up the great work darling. And when you get your own series I’ll be calling you for a wardrobe position.
Another Briiliant post. The visual of her sitting on a curb with her wig and a bra completely sent me to that ugly cry.
Fan for life-
J.Childs: Thanks… and thats all I have to say.
Brenda Meyers: Consider your self hired!!! LOL
Meg: LOL!!!! Thanks so much for the great compliment!
LMAO!!!! Okay now boy I’m gone hurt you. And for the record I’m with her, I would’ve kept my wig on too.
Another funny story. You keep a sister in tears. Keep up the good work cutie.
Who needs a workout….when I got my wig keep’n me lookin fresh t’death! LOL (hope that bra was a clean bra!) ha!
Wow… Thanks so much Tasha for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my little blog.
I’m just mad the ad shown on the right is for “invisible wigs”. In case you can’t see it they have a wide selection of stock lace wigsm, custom lace wigs, adhesives & solvents. I have no idea what any of this means but I’ll click on it to earn you $0.02!!
Dear Cousin, yuo kill me! lmao back to school lace fronts! lmao classic! and vinegar! DEAD! lmao
Dai: LAO!!! That’s hilarious. Score one for Google Ads. Thanks for the extra loot…
Lee: Thanks love. It was beyond great to finally meet you this weekend.
Brett, as usual between the read of my boring research class and your read, I find a balance in life. You need to tell me as I don’t know what your mother did with the vinegar. This wigs story is hilarious, I often wondered the same about dreadlocks in the summer. This is classic! Keep writing.
Sab: Let’s just say you don’t want to know. LOL Back in the day vinegar and water was what they used in place of much later products to come like Masengil and Summer’s eve. And thanks tremendously for the great compliments.
Hey Brett!!! HAHAHA!!! Thank you so much, I needed a pick me up. You and that rape whistle, LOL! (no really – out loud).
I know what you mean, saw a women here in North Phillly, wearing fuchsia & lime green throughout her outfit, had a wig with both colors to match. She knew she was kickin’ it. Thanks for the fix. Bell well good Brother!
Naomi: Thanks so much for holding a brotha down. I’m so glad you liked the episode. I’ve been busy in production for my first Brett and the City webisode which we start shooting next week… so I do apologize I haven’t had the time to update as much as I would like to.
Hilarious!!! Jatasia? I love it.
LOL Man thanks Tmor.. and I loves your set! You are one hilarious negro sir.
ok so I know I am a lil late reading this but been on bed rest trying to keep this baby in and didnt want to laugh too hard until we had the right meds in place but now baby is just kicking away after me laughing so hard hope my water doesnt break lol!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s awesome. It means your little baby obviously loves inappropriate humor as much as I do. LOL
Thanks for the read.
omg
!!!! i’m coughing from laughing so hard